Many years ago, I watched a movie whose name I no longer remember, but I still remember the storyline because it deeply moved me. The movie was set in the post-World War II era, where a young boy of about twelve years old is forced to leave home and wander through the world on his own. During this journey, he encounters all kinds of people—good, bad, kind, cruel, and everything in between. Through these experiences, he learns an important lesson about human nature: people are rarely what they first appear to be. Some who come across as helping him eventually prey upon his vulnerability, while others surprise him with their compassion.
There is one scene in particular that has stayed with me for years. The boy catches a small sparrow, paints its wings, and then releases it back into the sky. Instead of being welcomed back by the other sparrows, the bird is attacked and eventually killed simply because it looked different. It is such a simple scene, yet it captures a profound truth about life. Sometimes, being different comes with a price.
Have you ever felt like you were paying the price for being different?
Most people assume that when they are criticized, excluded, targeted, or attacked, it means there is something wrong with them. They begin to question themselves and wonder whether they are the problem. However, what if the opposite is true? What if you are attacked not because you are weak but because you are strong? What if your growing influence becomes a threat to someone else's sense of importance? What if people are naturally drawn toward you, your ideas, or your energy, and that creates discomfort in those who fear what you might become?
I have spent a very long time studying behavioral patterns, and for many years I believed that once I understood these patterns, life would become easier. I thought that knowledge would somehow protect me from being affected by them. However, I eventually realized the opposite is often true. Once you start seeing beyond the facade, beyond the masks people wear and the stories they tell about themselves, you become a mirror. You begin to notice inconsistencies between words and actions. You start recognizing manipulation disguised as concern, insecurity disguised as confidence, and control disguised as help. Not everyone appreciates having those things reflected back at them.
As strange as it may sound, many empaths go through this phase. There comes a point where they begin seeing human behavior more clearly and realize that people are not simply good or bad. We all carry both light and darkness within us. Eventually, growth requires acknowledging the darker aspects of human nature rather than pretending they do not exist. Only then can a person become truly integrated.
What fascinates me is that almost every pattern has a psychological name. Behaviors that many people dismiss as random or harmless have actually been studied for decades. Gaslighting, smear campaigns, passive-aggressive comments, projection, triangulation, and many other patterns are very real psychological methods used to control, dominate, manipulate, or undermine another person. At their core, these behaviors are often attacks on confidence. Their purpose is to make someone doubt their own judgment, question their own reality, and become easier to manage or control.
I have wanted to write about these patterns for a long time because so many of my clients encounter them without even realizing what is happening. Having gone through these experiences myself, I no longer immediately assume that questionable behavior is about me. In most cases, it has very little to do with me at all. It usually has everything to do with the other person's fears, insecurities, or unresolved wounds.
At the same time, I have also learned something important. Not everyone wants help. Many people are deeply attached to their patterns and have no interest in changing them. The people who truly need help are those who become affected. They are the ones who begin doubting themselves, losing confidence, and carrying emotional burdens that were never theirs to carry in the first place. My work is for those people.
My own journey into understanding these patterns began with the book "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" by renowned psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula. Dr. Ramani has dedicated much of her career to helping people understand psychologically damaging relationship dynamics. Her work opened an entirely new world for me and gave me a framework for understanding behaviors that I had observed for years but could not fully explain. That book was one of the first steps in a much larger journey of studying psychology, personality patterns, and human behavior.
For years, my heart has been telling me to write about these topics, and I feel like it is finally time.
But for now, I would suggest watching the movie "Ma Behen" on Netflix. In my opinion, it is a masterpiece that explores how society often views beautiful single women, even when they are not challenging any social norms. The film has striking similarities to Malèna, starring my favorite actress, Monica Bellucci. Malèna is a very direct representation of how communities can react to a woman simply because of her beauty and because she doesn't have man beside her. The women resent her; the men desire her and even acts of kindness often come with hidden motivations.
It does make me wonder whether our collective India IQ is so low that we need to disguise serious topics like these as comedy before people are willing to engage with them. Malèna never treated its themes as a joke. It was a raw, unfiltered, and unapologetic representation, trusting the audience to confront uncomfortable truths without the need for humor to soften the blow.
There is famous quote by John Berger: "Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at."
There is a deep psychological truth hidden within those words. Because of this dynamic, I have seen many women make themselves less visible simply to avoid unnecessary attention. Some gain weight, some downplay their appearance, and some even adopt more masculine behaviors to avoid becoming the center of unwanted attention. It genuinely breaks my heart because it is something that happens around us every day, often without people even noticing it.
The deeper I go into studying human behavior, the more I realize that understanding these patterns is not about judging people. It is about seeing clearly. It is about recognizing what belongs to you and what belongs to someone else. Most importantly, it is about understanding that another person's behavior is not always a reflection of your worth. Very often, it is a reflection of their own fears, insecurities, and internal struggles.
Until I present you with another topic to open your mind and challenge your perspective, take good care of yourself.
This is Sujata Athor your Elite Mindset Trainer, doing the research for you so that you don't have to. Now go buy me a coffee ❤️🤗
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