With writing, sometimes one finds their way into places where they never thought they would be revisiting, and trust me, as I sit down to think about it, I really never foresaw the opening of this particular chapter. But now, here I am telling a story that I once promised myself I would keep locked away forever.
Imagine going from a shy, nervous girl who’d freeze if a guy even said hello—my heart would race, and I’d start shaking. Fast forward to today, and I’m a girl who openly discusses topics like sex education and sexuality. How did that transformation happen? Well, that’s a journey. Something my old college friend Suvarna said recently really caught me off guard. She said, and I quote:
"Mujhe teri story sunni hai puri, seriously... Kyunki I saw you and I know you. You've changed a lot, and I'm really impressed and motivated. Happy for you 😇🧿🥰."
Personal Development and the Role of Supportive Friendships
Suvarna and I had been close during college days. Since her house was near my hostel and I did not have a vehicle, we rode to college together on her scooter. We worked on projects together, and her mom would make the most delicious Puran Poli—a Maharashtrian delicacy that I still crave. Nostalgia setting in because often Aunty made Puran Poli during Ganpati Festival. Suvarna’s family treated me like their own, and Aunty showed me so much warmth, as if I were another daughter. Words don’t do justice to how grateful I am for having Suvarna and her family by my side.
If you’ve ever been alone in a new city, living in a government hostel, and had the good fortune of finding a friend like Suvarna, then you know just how lucky I felt. Suvi, if you’re reading this, just know—you are a true gem. 💎
My Shift from Shy to Confident
But here’s what many people don’t know about me: back in my college days, I was a completely different person. I was what you might call a 'Behenji' with zero confidence. So, I understand why Suvarna said what she did. She, like many others, might be curious about what changed me, what caused such a dramatic shift in my life, and why I disappeared from the internet for a few years. People never change unless for a reason, and I had mine.
I disappeared from the internet-not out of choice, but as a means of preserving sanity. The digital bullying I had faced, much because of some 'daring' photos taken while traveling and my brazen opinions on sex education, finally got to me. My views regarding sexuality and sex education ran deeper than anyone knew. There’s a story behind it—one I’ve kept hidden for a long time. And today, I’m ready to tell.
Discovering Goa’s: My First Adventure Trip
The shift in my life was largely driven by my travels, so many of my experiences come from different destinations. In my last article, I took you to the mountains. Today, let me take you to the beaches of Goa—a dream destination for many, often called the Miami of India. This was my very first adventure trip. Not a solo one like my trip to Delhi, but with a group of 20 strangers. Just me, with no family or friends, ready for an adventure and excited to meet new people from different walks of life, cultures, and professions.
We had an entire hotel booked—a small, cozy place with all the Goan charm and modern amenities like a swimming pool, indoor games, and a restaurant. The road journey from Pune to Goa was enthusiastic, but by the time we reached Goa, exhaustion had set in. Everybody was working out the room arrangements and I took initiative to help people get settled. Soon enough, everybody went into their rooms. Then I saw a girl standing alone by the vehicle, looking confused.
How One Moment Shifted My Understanding of Sexuality
I walked up to her and asked if I could help her with anything. She mumbled something I couldn't hear. I stepped closer, and in a moment forever seared into my memory, she reached out, grabbed me by the neck, and kissed me. I froze. My mind went blank, my body stiff. If it had been a guy, maybe I would’ve reacted differently, but this was a girl. No one had ever prepared me for this. We are living in a society where even the mention of heterosexuality is a taboo, let alone homosexuality.
Time seemed to stand still. Then I came to my senses and walked into my room, feeling like a zombie. The incident wouldn't go out of my mind. I showered for long as a way to calm my nervous system down. Gathering my courage, I shared the incident with my roommate Sudha. She joked a bit over it, trying to humor it off, but deep inside, the thought of 'it' remained there.
Afternoon that was planned for our group with scuba diving in Malvan, we spent the entire day scuba diving, parasailing, and water sports. For some hours, I was able to forget the incident of that morning. Still, being around that girl made me feel uneasy.
Leaving the Party: When a Night Out Took a Wrong Turn
The next day was leisurely, spent relaxing at the hotel. We found one of the famous beach shacks called Curlie's and decided to loosen up. All of us dressed up for the night. I wore my backless black dress, while Sudha, in her white mini dress, was looking spectacular too. We had our share of drinks and some finger-licking Goan seafood. We danced the night away, but then, while we were dancing, the same girl appeared. She started running her fingers over my back and touching my waist, trying to seduce me. That was it. I had enough! Although I didn’t create a scene but managed to signal to Sudha that we should leave. It was around 3:00 AM when we quietly slipped out of the party and made our way back to the hotel.
Even after returning to Pune, the incident kept playing in my mind. It irritated me. So one day, I decided to write about it. That was my very first article on the internet, and I jumped straight into writing about homosexuality—something I never imagined I’d address.
Igniting My Passion for understanding Sexuality through LGBTQ+ encounter
The article was positive, encouraging people from the LGBTQ+ community to approach others with respect and understanding, even if they feel a strong sexual attraction. But the mixed reactions I received showed me just how unprepared society is to deal with these issues. This evoked an interest in my mind about sex education and sexuality, and that was the beginning of my shift into becoming what I am today.
What had started as a very uncomfortable and confusing moment really changed me into one who has deeper understanding about sexuality and self. I grew from a shy, insecure individual to one who openly talks with people about sex, sexuality, and sexual education. Always cherish your journey and never undermine the potential of your experiences to start redefining who you are and what you stand for.
But that is not all. There was another incident that took me further down the road to understand sexuality. But I'll save it for some other time.
Thank you for joining me on this journey. Wishing you all a thoughtful and inspiring festive week! 🌸
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